Legalise All The Drugs

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The Greenrover is currently most known to be the one and only place on the internet that has reviewed Matt Taibbi’s The Business Secrets of Drug Dealing, an online serial novel which depicts the real life adventures of a drug dealer selling across the United States.

It’s a fantastic book and while I appreciate the views, I hope to god Matt goes on a book tour cause the sheer lack of coverage this book has got is disgraceful. 

Now I’ve addressed the subject a little bit across the blog, but I thought it’d be worth addressing outlandishly once and for all. The Green Rover is in favour of the legalisation of all drugs. Let me repeat that. I did not say “Oh man, we should totally legalise weed” or “Dude, its fucking bullshit that I can’t buy shrooms“. No, I said we need to legalise ALL the drugs.I’m talking heroin, cocaine, shrooms, LSD, Acid, Ecstasy, Meth, Ketamine, DMT- everything. I want it all legalised.

Namely because the legalisation of all these substances will deal a heavy blow to cartels and various other criminal enterprises- meaning that human trafficking, sex trafficking and slavery will all decrease as a result of their diminished profits. But also because the legalisation of these substances will create new businesses and the taxes from said businesses will be astoundingly useful and ending the disastrous war on drugs will save countless lives.

That’s not necessarily suggesting that the Green Rover is in favour of taking hard drugs or becoming drug abusers, quite the contrary. The Green Rover is in favour of adopting the legalisation of all drugs because it will ensure the substances consumers take isn’t laced with elephant tranquilliser and rat poison. It’ll ensure that consumers are safe- because it’s better to overdose in a special hostel where medics are on standby than in the back alley of a whorehouse.

During the Vietnam war over a third of US soldiers were taking heroin. The fear of many being that once they returned home they would all become addicts. But only a small portion of these Veterans became drug abusers. Most of them never touched the stuff ever again.

They took the drug to escape the horrors of war, acting as a reliever of stress. In a way that’s what all addiction is; a form of escapism that grants access to large doses of serotonin. Happy and satisfied people don’t become addicts. Addicts aren’t criminals, they’re people with a medical condition.

I mean I could also go on to name some of the medical benefits of Marijuana and other such drugs, but I really don’t care about that. What I do care about however is not having to deal with skangers.

Living in a city or a small town, you’ll encounter some dodgy fucks. The only way they can make money is by selling drugs and god knows what else. Speaking anecdotally, I’ve had plenty of interactions with these individuals. First time I believe was back in A-Level. I was out for lunch and I watched this fifty year old waster outside Walsh’s’ try and lure a group of boys back to his house so he could sell them some shit.

Most recent encounter happened while I was on my break at work. I was on my way to Tesco’s to get some cheap stuff to eat, halfway there I stood at the traffic lights. All of a sudden this skanger pops out of nowhere and tries to sell me shit. He’s drunk off his tits, holding a bottle of bucky like a baby and he smells awful.

I say I have to go back to work. He says “Sure, you can smoke after work” then the light goes green and I cross the road. At this point I’ve turned him down like three or four times but he’s still following me down the street. All the while he’s pitching me his product and by fuck every word he uttered was a red flag.

Apparently the weed he sells comes in cans. Cans. He claims it’s some special shit from Amsterdam, but he’s trying to sell it to me for £50 which tells me two things.

The first being that this shit is obviously not from Amsterdam. It’s too cheap. Most likely some hay from Monaghan. The second thing is that this guy is a fucking moron. Say if he did import that shit from Amsterdam, it sure as fuck would cost more than £50 to get here in the first place. So he’s breaking one of the most important rules in the business; Always at least double your money.

Safe to say this boy wasn’t wise. The fucker wouldn’t leave me alone. I had to lie and tell him that I was a pioneer to get him to fuck off. Scratch that, I had to explain to him what a pioneer was to get him to leave me the fuck alone. Goddamn nightmare.

But probably the dodgiest fuck I ever met was on the way home after the staff do. It was about midnight, I’d been drinking since half six. I was completely fucked. I didn’t even drink that much. I only had four free cocktails, a Heatherley’s, a shot of something that was like 60% alcohol (then I boked) then I had another shot of that same drink, then I had a lager, then a whiskey, then two Guinness and a Heineken.

What can I say, I’m a bit of a lightweight.

A colleague of mine was just as fucked. I’d told him to head on home and I followed suit twenty odd minutes later. As I exited the pub I found him talking to this forty year old waster. I walked up and joined the conversation, feigning the craic. The waster in question was another drug dealer and by fuck you could fill a nation with all the red flags that popped up.

This cunt was a father to two kids and was currently homeless as his wife[?] kicked him out the house. So he was a forty year homeless drug dealer with two kids- he had a goddamn framed picture of one of them in the bag of cans he was carrying- probably one of the few belongings he managed to grab before getting kicked out.

He gives his number to my colleague and then we walk off in the opposite direction of him. Once we’re in the clear I get a  hold of my friend and I tell him never to call that guy or any guy who pops up on the street- they’re dodgy as fuck and trouble follows them like death.

Now the Green Rover doesn’t endorse breaking the law, but if you are going to take some illegal substances and are in the search of a dealer- please for the love of fuck don’t get a guy you bumped into randomly on the street. Your dealer should have at least one reference from a trustworthy friend.

Other advice I would give is as follows; don’t do deals on the street- if the guy doesn’t have a room where you can go and buy stuff then don’t fuck with him. Don’t do deals at night. Get a dealer who has a job, that way he has some discipline. Don’t get a dealer who has any social medias- especially Facebook. All that data will be collected and eventually it’ll get him caught and maybe even get you into bother.

Oh, and if you get hurt- tell the paramedics what drugs you were taking. They’re not going to tell and they can’t help if they don’t know what the fuck you’re on. It’d also help if you did extensive research beforehand if you’re looking to buy stuff. That way you know safe doses, the effects- both positive and negative, potential allergies- everything.

The main argument I have is a selfish one. I don’t want bad people making money and I don’t want these bad people around me or anyone I remotely like. You can bust down doors, drag people out of bed, handcuff people to a hospital bed- it won’t make a difference.

What will make a difference is effective legislation that ensures safe, ethical production and consumption. So please, for the love of God, legalise all the drugs.

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