Atlas Cried like a Little Bitch.

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I actually just wanted to start off by saying that I’ve went back and re-edited the first blog post on the site. See, what happened was when I started off they published a post automatically despite it having no content. So to reclaim some semblance of professionalism I went back and made an article about the blog which you can read here.

Oh boy this week was a fucking shitfest. Like, I haven’t even processed the fact that I’m in a different week- I haven’t had a good nights sleep since November 5th. Tech is fucking shit, I’m working in this group project and somehow I have become the guy who does almost all the work- I don’t want to be that guy, I fucking hate that guy- I want to be the lazy guy who feels guilty about being lazy but doesn’t do anything about it. It’s fucking exhausting doing shit. Like I have to work, and there’s two other projects I was hurled into- which mean I have even more shit to do.

It was awful- I had to go up to Derry. Every. Single. Day. Of. The. Week.

That’s not good for your health. It isn’t nourishing for the soul to go up to a cash machine and find the phrase “IT WAS THE KIKES” scratched onto the monitor. For those of you unfamiliar with that word (you’re too pure, get out, Now- save yourself) it’s a racial slur used for the Jews.

The word kike was born on Ellis Island when there were Jewish migrants who were also illiterate (or could not use Latin alphabet letters). When asked to sign the entry-forms with the customary “X”, the Jewish immigrants would refuse, because they associated an X with the cross of Christianity. Instead, they drew a circle as the signature on the entry-forms. The Yiddish word for “circle” is kikel (pronounced KY-kul), and for “little circle”, kikeleh (pronounced KY-kul-uh). Before long the immigration inspectors were calling anyone who signed with an “O” in place of an “X” a kikel or kikeleh or kikee or, finally and succinctly, kike.

Totally didn’t rip that off of of Wikipedia.

That’s not even the most racist thing that I’ve encountered in that cancerous fucking mole of a city. I swear to fuck, I was walking past that same ATM and there was a bunch of pigeons flying about, hundreds even. And I was scared one of them was going to shit on me cause the pigeons of Derry are fucking dodgy. So I’m walking cautiously and I’m looking up at the sky nervously cause I don’t trust these sky devils with my eyes off them. So I’m looking like a nervous git and one guy is walking past me, looks at me and says and I quote; “You look worried son, just wait till the Niggers grow wings

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

What the fuck! In the middle of the fucking day! In the middle of the fucking street! A man, that didn’t know me, saw that I was worried about the fucking birds, and for some reason he thought to himself “Oh that wee boy looks nervous, I’m going to drop a fucking N bomb on this ginger cunt” WHY? WHY THE….WHAT THE FUCK?!

As soon as I heard that I was like “W-What?” and the guy was moving on- but he looked at me and nodded like; “You know the Craic, Lad- you know what’s up” Like…No-No! I don’t know the fucking craic you racist scumbag! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Goddammit, Like I’m probably going to get shit for using the N word but trust me, I’m just quoting a guy. If you want to call me a cunt do so here.

But yeah I was in Derry all week for Tech, which was exhausting. Them on Saturday I had to help out with filming Santa’s arrival at the Richmond Centre which involved getting up early. Which on a Saturday is less than ideal. It was only made worse by the fact that for some fucking reason my Dad wasn’t aware that I was away to Derry that day and thought I’d be around the house to replace the windows- so when he found out he was fucking furious; “I’m fucked then- I’m fucked!” and that pretty much set the tone for the entire day.

So I went down the road, carrying a bunch of heavy camera equipment because I’m an idiot that can’t drive. The bus was late by like ten minutes so I had to stand out in the fucking cold for ages. Got to Derry and had to wait like an hour and a half before anyone showed up. Set up the camera and waited for Santa. That Cunt was fucking late as well. So I was standing about with a camera on a fucking tripod and did my best not to look like a fucking Paedophile cause there was a school choir performing.

People kept coming up to me as well asking “When’s Santa arriving?” and the fucking Cunt was late so they probably thought I was a lying bastard. There were too many fucking people so all the shots I got were fucking shite. Finished up two odd hours later, got a few dodgy looks, waited about in Derry till my bus at like half four. Got a pint of Guinness down in Sandinos (a Pub so Left Wing it makes me feel like a fucking Tory) and safe to say that Pint was also shite. Then I got the bus.

When I got home my Da was waiting on me. See, what he’d spent the entire day doing was removing the windows from the top floor of the house. Just to clarify these windows were upvc casement windows with double glazing glass. It basically looks like this:

 

So basically there’s one big glass window and above it there’s a smaller glass window that can be opened up. It’s not very special, I know, but I thought it was important to clarify. Apparently the hinges were dodgy so that meant the windows were harder to close. So we went out onto the scaffolding (which he set up like three weeks ago? He’s been fixing the roof) and he hands me one of the top windows of my bedroom and he goes back into the house to screw the hinges back into place from the inside.

So I’m holding up this two foot wide window with all my strength for the next thirty minutes while my exhausted Father hurls abuse at me. To balance the weight of the window or to “keep it flush” I have to sit on the edge of the balcony and place my feet on the ledge of my very own window sill. Which is less that ideal cause I could fall and it’s a two story drop to the ground- which by the way consists only of sharp stones.

I’m struggling to keep this window steady. Like I’m holding this heavy object above my head for a lengthy amount of time, while my father is struggling to reach up to the hinges and screw them on, all the while cursing and mumbling and telling me to “keep it fucking straight! Up to your chin! For Christ sake you’re not even listening to a word I’m saying” even though I was listening, he just can’t speak for fucking shit.

Halfway through he gives in and tells me to hold on to the window, placing the entire weight on me. He says he’s going to call a friend; “It’s a fucking two man fucking job“. I’m sitting outside, my arms trembling and I’m in such agony I’m on the verge of tears. I focus on the cars going past. How the road was a dangerous road cause there was no speed cameras so all the cunts were acting hard and thought they could get away with racing down the road at seventy mile per hour. I noticed it wasn’t cold anymore, or at least I didn’t feel cold. Then I felt the pain again and let off a little whimper.

titan-atlas1

Atlas Shrugged? More like Atlas Cried like a Little Bitch.

So he came back fifteen minutes later, and to no ones shock the friend was unable to come down and help out. Perhaps it was because he didn’t think it was too smart to put up a window in the FUCKING DARK.

Another fifteen minutes and much more swearing we eventually succeeded in screwing the hinges on, thus attaching the small window to the house. One problem. It couldn’t fucking close. Yep, I spent an hour and a half sitting outside on a fucking balcony holding up a window with hinges that couldn’t even close properly.

I’ll never forget the look on my Dads face when he couldn’t close it. He looked fucking defeated. We kept it on and called it a day. I went to bed in a room without any fucking windows. Obviously it wasn’t a good night.

Spent the following morning reattaching all the windows with Dad’s friend. They seemed pretty good at the job, I was fucking shite. It took us about two hours. At the end of it I rushed off the scaffolding, greeted by the phrase; “Ah Jesus, he’s away to get away” Which is probably one of the best quotes I’ve heard in a long ass time; “He’s away to get away” almost made the day good.

Oh, and those windows? We had to use the old hinges- meaning they’re almost exactly the same as they were before.

Spent the next week at tech, which was shite as usual. It was made worse being accompanied by a really sore throat. It felt like my throat was a fucking blender, felt like I’d got deep-throated by a barb-wired dildo in my sleep. One morning I coughed up some phlegm the size of my nose- with an eency weency bit of blood alongside for good measure. Felt like shit all week.

I don’t know where I got the sore throat from. From what I understand a sore throat comes about after you catch a virus like the cold or the flu. Causing your neck glands to swell up, meaning your throat hurts when you swallow. Your body is producing excessive mucus to prevent the virus from spreading further, meaning you’re always coughing up phlegm. Your mouth is dry as hell cause you’re too dehydrated to produce saliva and your throat feels clogged up because of the excess of mucus and the dust particles that are moving freely down the windpipe.

But I don’t know how I got that cold in the first place. Maybe I got it when I was wandering about the streets of Derry in the rain without my hood up, Maybe I got it waiting out in the cold for my bus, maybe I got it outside the Richmond centre while I was waiting for Santa, Maybe I got it when I was sitting outside on the balcony in the dark while holding up my own window- or maybe it was because I slept in a room without any windows. Maybe it’s a culmination of all of them, or none.

It’s weird, that series of seemingly small events could lead to one giant fuck up- and somehow you can’t really find out what event was the perpetrator. It reminds me of one of Histories great fuck ups; World War One.

World-war-1-Imperialism

The war started on July 28th 1914 and lasted all the way to November 11th 1918, with twenty five different countries taking part and a total of twenty million dead and twenty one million wounded, both Military personnel and Civilian.

See, with most wars there’s a clear reason for it to start; The Irish War of Independence? It was fought to get independence from Britain. The Irish Civil War? It was fought to settle the conflict of the peace treaty that was signed after the War for Independence. The Russian Civil War? It was fought to eradicate all dissenters of the October Revolution, removing all supporters of the Tsar, the previous government established in the February Revolution and paved the way for Communism and the establishment of the Soviet Union. The Vietnam War was fought because America wanted to stop the spread of communism and World War Two was fought because of, well, World War One.

But World War One is a little more complicated, in fact it might even have been completely pointless. The War Started with the assassination of the Austrian Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand in June of 1914 at the hands of a Bosnian terrorist/freedom fighter. That lead to some conflicts with the Serbians and the Austria-Hungarian Empire, which resulted in Serbia getting Russia to back them up (Russia was keen to start a war because of their defeat by the Empire of Japan and thus they needed to prove they were still a force to be reckoned with) so they started mobilizing their armies. Meanwhile Austria made a deal with Germany so that Germany would provide backup for Austria, Austria created an abysmal peace treaty and sent it to the Serbians which they refused- so they declared War. Germany declared War on Russia, France being an ally of Russia joined the war meaning Germany had also declared War on France, In an attempt to invade France quickly Germany invaded Belgium- Belgium of course was an ally to Britain so Britain declared war on Germany, Germany made an alliance with the Ottoman Empire, Britain made an alliance with Japan and brought soldiers from India, Africa, Ireland and even Canada. Soon the Americans got involved because the Germans sank one of their boats or because they wanted to suck Britain’s dick- I don’t know, but they were in the fight now. That’s basically what happened.

In 1917 the Russian Tsar and Royal family was removed from power during the February Revolution. However the people in charge of the newly established Russian government didn’t remove Russia from the War so that caused great outrage and lead to the October Revolution and the rise of Lenin. Lenin removed Russia from the war and then engaged in his own Civil War.

After a few years the Allies dismantled the Austrian-Hungarian Empire, destroyed the Ottoman Empire and fucked Germany up the ass by blaming them for causing the war in the peace treaty.

That’s a quick summary, if you want to learn more in more detail I’d check out Crash Courses thorough breakdown of the war.

That’s a lot of reasons to go to war. One of the reasons Ireland was brought into the War was because we were promised Home Rule for our service, of course the British Government promised the Loyalists in Ulster that they would withhold Home Rule if they pledged their allegiance to the war. I talked briefly about this in my review of Ivy Day in the Committee Room by James Joyce. To summarize we didn’t get Home Rule because an Ulster Unionist battalion fought in the Battle of the Somme, one of the most brutal battles in the entire War.

Moved” by their sacrifice the British Government decided to honour their promise to the Loyalists and decided to withhold home rule. Personally I think the early 20th Century politicians of Britain were incapable of the empathy required to be “Moved” by the Loyalists sacrifice. No, they just didn’t want to give up a colony. Cause if we got Home Rule, so would India and all the other Colonies they had in Africa (alongside the ones they stole from the Germans) so they basically goaded a load of Irishmen into fighting one of the most brutally pointless wars in History.

Now you may think the Brits were very much capable of Empathy, I find that hard to believe- considering these are the same cunts who thought that the Black and Tans (A battalion sent to Ireland consisting of WW1 Veterans with PTSD and thus were incredibly violent and brutal) was a good idea. Fucking William fucking Churchill came up with that Beauty.

That’s one of the reasons so many people in Ireland are offended by the Poppy. Because while the British believe they’re honouring the fallen soldiers that fought and died to protect their rights and freedoms, the Irish believe that the poppy is glorifying the soldiers that harassed, assaulted, raped and murdered thousands upon millions of Irish citizens over the course of seven hundred years of British Occupation.

A lot of Irish Nationalists in the North get triggered by Unionists/Loyalists wearing the poppy. Seeing it as “A symbol of Sectarianism” personally I think there’s easier ways of being sectarian. Like claiming that the indigenous Irish/Gaelic Language is a “Foreign Language” Now that’s proper sectarian and really fucking idiotic- considering the ancestors of the Loyalists were English and Scottish Colonists- Foreigners.

But I don’t really think that Unionists wear the poppy as a symbol of Sectarianism, but rather as a connection to an identity which is ultimately pathetic and unachievable. They wear the poppy not to honour the dead- but to honour the British Dead. They aren’t mourning the dead Germans, or the dead French, the dead Indians, Africans or the poor dead Canadians- they’re honouring the dead British. That’s all they’re doing, they’re trying to connect with their British identity. Which is futile; Because Britishness isn’t a very good identity.

Whenever a foreigner says British, what they mean is English. And when an English person says British, what they mean is English.

It’s sad, really. Speaking of Sad People; lets look at he Taoiseach:

leovaradkarshamrockpoppy_large

That there is Leo Varadker, the current Prime Minister of Ireland (Taoiseach is Irish for Prime Minister, we’re trying to reclaim a semblance of our cultural identity that the British almost fucked out of us) he’s an interesting lad. He’s half Indian and he’s Gay, so he’s already Buzzfeeds favourite Prime minister cause he’s the minority of minorities. That’s nice really, but there’s only one problem; he’s a fucking cunt. Like he’s on Thatcher levels of Cuntishness, got a Bachelor degree in Cuntery from whatever crevice that shat out Jacob Reese fucking Mogg (or as I like to call him; Le Posh Cunt)- he’s in Fine Gael for Christ sake. A real shame, if you ask me. A  real shame.

You can see he’s wearing some really fucking ugly shamrock/poppy hybrid which is just aesthetically disgusting looking. Like, I don’t give a fuck about the poppy- I truly don’t. But go hard or go home lad, don’t fucking desecrate two fucking plants as a political statement.

Undoubtedly this caused outrage with the public cause “LAD- BRITISH OCCUPATION- THE BLACK AND TANS?!” but he didn’t back down and…eh. Like, I genuinely couldn’t give a fuck about the poppy. It’s a fucking flower celebrating dead people. Some of those dead people are cunts, some of them were nice people- there’s not much to get fussed about.

But I mean if you truly wanted to honour the dead and the people that fought your country, maybe don’t make your country a shit hole? Maybe you should nationalize the water system so citizens aren’t extorted for a basic human right, maybe fight off the banks and make Multi National Corporations pay their fair share in taxes, maybe increase spending in healthcare so that the workforce is fit and healthy and are thus more productive economically, maybe build more social housing so that people can afford to live in a home, maybe spend money of housing homeless people instead of building spikes on the sides of buildings to keep them from sleeping there- Maybe.

But then again maybe I’m being naive. Maybe if you’re in power then most of your resources are spent on keeping yourself in power- enriching potential allies and warding off potential rivals. Occasionally you’ll throw an ounce of bread out the window for the rest of us.

Maybe the world really is that heavy, or maybe Atlas cries not because he thinks he’ll drop it- but rather the world will find a way to fall apart on its own.

I guess with Trump in a pissing contest with North Korea, Theresa May picking a scrap with Putin, Putin being a complete and utter cunt and the EU fucking Britain in the ass- maybe that fall will come sooner rather than later.

But preferably not tomorrow, as I’m seeing a play starring my Friend and I wish to support him. Certainly not Friday, because despite the poor reviews its already been getting I still want to see Justice League. Can’t do Saturday or Sunday either. It seems, if things keep going this way, I won’t be able to even have the time to die.

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